a confession

I have a confession. I guess you could call it that. There is this blog that I love to read. I enjoy reading about this sweet little family and sweet baby girl. It has become part of my morning routine. They are always positive and happy and creative. Sometimes after reading their blog I get inspired. Maybe it is to make a picnic lunch and go to the park on Saturday with my sweet little family. Or maybe it is to create a book using all of my instagram photos.

But sometimes.

I leave their blog feeling defeated. I don't have all the money in the world to buy my sweet baby girl all the cutest clothes from all the fancy stores. I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. I don't get up every morning and do yoga before the day starts. I don't know how to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch. This in no way is any fault of theirs. They are just living their happy little life and sharing with others about it.

The thing is.

 I love my family. I love our life. There will always be areas of improvement in my life, especially if I am trying to be more and more like Christ and less and less like "me."  I would adore dressing up molly in cute tights and shorts and a little jean jacket but....couldn't I use that money to pay off hospital bills or the water bill? Could I use that money to send to Amazima that gives food and truth to hungry belly's and hungry hearts? Yes of course I could. So even though my instinct is to jump on baby gaps website I have to pray and ask forgiveness for wanting more of the world and less of Christ. I am not saying that its bad or a sin to want to buy your child cute clothes (or actually buying your baby cute clothes) - that would be absurd. I am just personally convicted of where my money is going and if it is worth it.

I could by a yoga dvd and start a new habit and I can also google a recipe for home baked goods. I just wish that I didn't compare so much. I wish instead I could have a thought process that goes like this... " that is so awesome that she has the dedication to get up and do yoga in the morning." the end. Instead my thought process goes something like this:  " well whitney if you only did that you would be much happier/thiner/focused/desirable." Here's the thing, will I really be that much thinner? Or will molly and allen love me more if I get up and do yoga? I don't think the answer to those questions is yes.

Last month I took a 30 day hiatus of reading the blog mentioned above. And you know what? I was much more content with my cirucumstance. With my personality and with the way we live our lives. I wasn't comparing every day and coming up with the conclusion that I am less and they (that family) are more. That one was better than the other.

I know that taking a blog break isn't going to "fix" what is broken in the way I feel about myself or the way I view my life.  It is absolutley the love of Christ, who He says I am and what His word says about me that will have a lasting change. So that is what I am hopeful for. A lasting eternal change.

A blog that made me laugh all the way home

So my dear sweet friend Summer sent me this blog the other day. It cracks me up. I looked at right before I got in my car for the 45 minute commute home and it made me laugh out loud. I have since made Allen read it and a few others. If you have a kid or have had children then there is no way you won't find this funny.....

LAUGH

Pros vs. Cons

I have been doing some thinking. I would like to share my thoughts here.

Before I started this little blog I was always online reading up on my friends blogs. I loved hearing about their adventures or seeing pictures of them in their own little life's going about every day. It was a great way for me to feel connected to those that were far away. I kind of made it my morning routine. I would wake up get a cup of coffee and sit down for some reading. Then one day I stumbled upon a blog of someone that I had never met and I started reading. I stumbled upon another blog and another blog. I found blogs about redecorating, cooking and repuropsing old things. I was in blog "heaven." I would use so much of my time looking into other people's lives and adventures and I enjoyed it.

Since then I have zeroed in on a few blogs that I regularly look at. I enjoy reading about particular things like home improvement or a friends life as a newly wed. I enjoy getting ideas on how to use things around my house for multi use instead of just throwing it away or how to cook a healthy meal for the husband and me. But I also have really allowed other's lives to make mine feel small. To make me feel like I am not pretty enough, or creative enough or happy enough. Does that ever happen to you? Comparing myself to others has always been a weakness of mine. I can be perfectly happy with my weekend plans and then I read that someone is going on a fabulous picnic with their sweetie and then taking a tour of historic wherever and then making homemade blueberry pies and I feel like my weekend plans of "staying home in PJ's and playing with Molly" is all of a sudden lazy and boring.  I hate that.

I think that for the next month I am going to read my friends blogs that encourage me like this one And I will also read this friends and of course hers. I don't personally know this family or this sweet family of four but I am always encouraged in some way by reading about their life.

I hope that while I take a semi hiatus of blogs that I find myself feeling less than after reading, that God will really do a work in my heart. I love reading about the lives of others and I am inspried to think outside the box when I read them, I just have somehow fallen into the trap of comparasion. It is no way the authors fault of those blogs, it is just how I see myself in comparasion to them.

I am excited about the work I am asking God to do. I know that He loves me so so much and I believe that He doesn't want me to look at someone else's life with longing. He has plans beyond my imagination for my family and I want to be excited about those plans not someone else's.