a confession

I have a confession. I guess you could call it that. There is this blog that I love to read. I enjoy reading about this sweet little family and sweet baby girl. It has become part of my morning routine. They are always positive and happy and creative. Sometimes after reading their blog I get inspired. Maybe it is to make a picnic lunch and go to the park on Saturday with my sweet little family. Or maybe it is to create a book using all of my instagram photos.

But sometimes.

I leave their blog feeling defeated. I don't have all the money in the world to buy my sweet baby girl all the cutest clothes from all the fancy stores. I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. I don't get up every morning and do yoga before the day starts. I don't know how to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch. This in no way is any fault of theirs. They are just living their happy little life and sharing with others about it.

The thing is.

 I love my family. I love our life. There will always be areas of improvement in my life, especially if I am trying to be more and more like Christ and less and less like "me."  I would adore dressing up molly in cute tights and shorts and a little jean jacket but....couldn't I use that money to pay off hospital bills or the water bill? Could I use that money to send to Amazima that gives food and truth to hungry belly's and hungry hearts? Yes of course I could. So even though my instinct is to jump on baby gaps website I have to pray and ask forgiveness for wanting more of the world and less of Christ. I am not saying that its bad or a sin to want to buy your child cute clothes (or actually buying your baby cute clothes) - that would be absurd. I am just personally convicted of where my money is going and if it is worth it.

I could by a yoga dvd and start a new habit and I can also google a recipe for home baked goods. I just wish that I didn't compare so much. I wish instead I could have a thought process that goes like this... " that is so awesome that she has the dedication to get up and do yoga in the morning." the end. Instead my thought process goes something like this:  " well whitney if you only did that you would be much happier/thiner/focused/desirable." Here's the thing, will I really be that much thinner? Or will molly and allen love me more if I get up and do yoga? I don't think the answer to those questions is yes.

Last month I took a 30 day hiatus of reading the blog mentioned above. And you know what? I was much more content with my cirucumstance. With my personality and with the way we live our lives. I wasn't comparing every day and coming up with the conclusion that I am less and they (that family) are more. That one was better than the other.

I know that taking a blog break isn't going to "fix" what is broken in the way I feel about myself or the way I view my life.  It is absolutley the love of Christ, who He says I am and what His word says about me that will have a lasting change. So that is what I am hopeful for. A lasting eternal change.