i want to...

i want to do so much more than I am doing now.

I want to know the Lord so much more than I do now.

I want to be so much more than I am now.

I want molly to know that she was chosen before time began and has always been loved.

I want her to thing of her future as shiny and bright and full of opportunites.

I want her to travel the world, to make good lasting friendships and to believe in Jesus.

I hope that I can model those things for her. I hope that the Lord will help me die to myself because otherwise, she won't learn a whole lot from me.

Because this morning I had to ask God to help me not value fortune, or things, or popularity. I had to tell Him its hard not to want those things.

Its awesome living on this earth. Last night I might not have said that. This morning on my way into work I might not have thought that. But right now, right here I believe that. Because living on this earth is so easy. It's so easy to  buy into temptation and its so easy to not ask Jesus for help. Its so easy to be in the drivers seat and to forget to pray. But I believe that is the beauty of it. Because if it was all easy then it wouldn't be different. It wouldn't be a challenge. You wouldn't see growth. I wouldn't see the fruit of the hard work, the discipline and the change.

God is good all the time. All the time God is good. the end.

something

Some of the weeks are going by slowly and others are going by so fast. Molly is growing like a weed. Every day its as if she has gained a new skill, learned how to make a new sound and has grown immensely.

Sometimes I let my insecurities take over and I become frustrated, impatient and downcast.

Some days I love my job so so much. Those days make the other days bearable.

Sometimes I just want to move to another state. Maybe North Carolina. Maybe back home, where I grew up.

sometimes....

a weekend getaway.

 molly did most of the packing

 she loved all the brightly colored leaves

 the sunshine was beautiful

what a blessing and a joy to whisper in her ear "see that red leaf molly? God made that. Do you hear the sound of the waterfall? God made that."



5 things

5 things you may not know about me

1. my favorite candy bar is hershey with almonds

2. i listen to npr every morning on the way to work

3. i haven't had a piece of gum in over a year

4. i love glitter

5. my feet grew to a size 10 when i was pregnant. they are still sadly a size 10

a confession

I have a confession. I guess you could call it that. There is this blog that I love to read. I enjoy reading about this sweet little family and sweet baby girl. It has become part of my morning routine. They are always positive and happy and creative. Sometimes after reading their blog I get inspired. Maybe it is to make a picnic lunch and go to the park on Saturday with my sweet little family. Or maybe it is to create a book using all of my instagram photos.

But sometimes.

I leave their blog feeling defeated. I don't have all the money in the world to buy my sweet baby girl all the cutest clothes from all the fancy stores. I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. I don't get up every morning and do yoga before the day starts. I don't know how to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch. This in no way is any fault of theirs. They are just living their happy little life and sharing with others about it.

The thing is.

 I love my family. I love our life. There will always be areas of improvement in my life, especially if I am trying to be more and more like Christ and less and less like "me."  I would adore dressing up molly in cute tights and shorts and a little jean jacket but....couldn't I use that money to pay off hospital bills or the water bill? Could I use that money to send to Amazima that gives food and truth to hungry belly's and hungry hearts? Yes of course I could. So even though my instinct is to jump on baby gaps website I have to pray and ask forgiveness for wanting more of the world and less of Christ. I am not saying that its bad or a sin to want to buy your child cute clothes (or actually buying your baby cute clothes) - that would be absurd. I am just personally convicted of where my money is going and if it is worth it.

I could by a yoga dvd and start a new habit and I can also google a recipe for home baked goods. I just wish that I didn't compare so much. I wish instead I could have a thought process that goes like this... " that is so awesome that she has the dedication to get up and do yoga in the morning." the end. Instead my thought process goes something like this:  " well whitney if you only did that you would be much happier/thiner/focused/desirable." Here's the thing, will I really be that much thinner? Or will molly and allen love me more if I get up and do yoga? I don't think the answer to those questions is yes.

Last month I took a 30 day hiatus of reading the blog mentioned above. And you know what? I was much more content with my cirucumstance. With my personality and with the way we live our lives. I wasn't comparing every day and coming up with the conclusion that I am less and they (that family) are more. That one was better than the other.

I know that taking a blog break isn't going to "fix" what is broken in the way I feel about myself or the way I view my life.  It is absolutley the love of Christ, who He says I am and what His word says about me that will have a lasting change. So that is what I am hopeful for. A lasting eternal change.

they change your life. forever.

God is so amazing that he has given me the honor of having molly as my daughter. Its hard to imagine that HE loves her more than me because my love for her is deeper than any ocean. I pray and hope with all my heart that she will know the Lord personally and that she will be filled with His compassion for others in need.

i had no idea how much this girl would change my life. no idea.

dresser re - do

 This was the dresser before. Pretty ugly. Pretty much hideous. I couldn't take it anymore.....

Sorry for the messy quality of photos...i think it was on my phone.

This is the after.yay! I love it. It adds so much more cheer to any room that it lives in. We moved it into Molly's room and she loves the knobs and the color. Hazzah for taking something ugly and making it beautiful!