try a little harder

i realized on sunday that i have to try a little harder.

that jesus said things would be hard. that it is not a promise that every day will be easy.

one area that i need to try a little harder, is loving even when i don't feel like it.

even when i feel like the other person needs to grow up/get over it/deal with it.

i am supposed to respond in love. why? because jesus does every single day even when

i need to grow up/get over it/ deal with it.

unexpected.

it is the weekend.

phew.

so glad that friday finally decided to show up.

i wish that i could curl up under the covers and hide this weekend.

my heart needs to be encouraged

my spirit needs to be refreshed

my body needs some sleep

but

i have company coming in

and laundry to do

and a sweet little girl to take care of first.

thankful for

the sweet baby

the awesome company

the ability to pay for water to wash my dirty clothes

but prayers would be appreciated.

xo

finished...almost

last night after molly went to bed and after dinner was over i sat on the couch and worked. I sat under an old old family quilt and created and cut and glued. TV was on in the background but no one was really watching. allen was signing up to serve at passion and i was a busy little bee working on my project.

i still need to do a little fixing with the hot glue gun but i am happy to say one project is crossed off the to do list. i also worked a little on my pumpkin project mentioned yesterday but not ready for the reveal.

distraction

i have a long "to-do" list.

i used to live by "to-do" lists and it would majorly stress me out when they were not finished.

not anymore.

now they are more like a guide. and i like it a lot better that way.

some of my things on my "list" for tonight are:

- finish the pumpkin project

- complete yarn wreath

- send someone some love mail

- laundry ( of course, when is that not on the list?)

somehow when i get home, after i play with molly + allen and cook supper then i sit down in front of the television and just stop. i feel for some reason that i deserve to sit down and do nothing. but, then i never get anything done and i feel lazy afterwards. i don't want to do that anymore. time for some change.

take a picture, it lasts longer

mama and molly 

what does it mean to you?

what does the word church mean to you?

i was sitting in my church yesterday morning and i started thinking about that word.

sometimes i don't like that word because i feel like nowadays there is such a watered down version

when i think/hear of the word church i think of a lot of different things

i think of jesus

i think of my home church i grew up in

i think of home and of the sunday school leaders that loved me and helped grow me in my faith

i think of the world wide church

i think of my church now, pcc that is amazing and life giving

i think of church as a safe place

but as i sat there on sunday fully tuned into the Lord i realized that church is all those things

but

most importantly it is a place that helps me remember. remember that i am so loved

that i am never forgotten or left behind

i am a part of god's long arching story

and that

is

amazing

8:08 pm

it's sunday and its almost over.

molly is asleep snug in her bed and dinner is cooking in the oven.

I am not ready for the weekend to be over. Can't it last just a little longer?

Some hi's and lo's from this weekend (that is almost over)

lo's ( let's get those over with)

- molly totally throwing off her schedule
- an argument that resulted in hurt feelings
- allen working from 7am - 6pm on Sunday

High's
- swinging at the park with mama, daddy and grammy m.
- finding a cheap and adorable flannel shirt for molly at ross
- passion city church and god totally speaking to me and helping me remember how much he loves me
- hanging out with a good friend today
- a clean home
- molly taking a 2.5 hour nap
- allen attacking the jungle that was our backyard
- hot chocolate and driving around saturday morning loving our city

Go read a book

Every morning I have a routine. The time might change but the order of my routine usually doesn't. My routine for getting ready is pretty set in stone. I guess I am a creature of habit and that is okay with me.

A part of my routine is catching up with people that I know, but don't really know. People in the blog world. I have learned so much from other's blogs. One in particular (I have been following for about 3 years) is a top 3 favorite. Liz Owens aka http://www.mableshouse.blogspot.com/ has become a staple in my morning routine. Her life has changed quite drastically over the past year with the birth of her first child and an drastic bout of illnesses that followed shortly after.

She has written a book and I am drying to read it. Check it out here: My (not so) Storybook Life.  She is pretty much a rockstar and I think if we ever hung out we would make each other laugh a lot. Her daughter is so cute and I just love reading about her life and how honest she is on her blog.

Happy Weekend!

i want to...

i want to do so much more than I am doing now.

I want to know the Lord so much more than I do now.

I want to be so much more than I am now.

I want molly to know that she was chosen before time began and has always been loved.

I want her to thing of her future as shiny and bright and full of opportunites.

I want her to travel the world, to make good lasting friendships and to believe in Jesus.

I hope that I can model those things for her. I hope that the Lord will help me die to myself because otherwise, she won't learn a whole lot from me.

Because this morning I had to ask God to help me not value fortune, or things, or popularity. I had to tell Him its hard not to want those things.

Its awesome living on this earth. Last night I might not have said that. This morning on my way into work I might not have thought that. But right now, right here I believe that. Because living on this earth is so easy. It's so easy to  buy into temptation and its so easy to not ask Jesus for help. Its so easy to be in the drivers seat and to forget to pray. But I believe that is the beauty of it. Because if it was all easy then it wouldn't be different. It wouldn't be a challenge. You wouldn't see growth. I wouldn't see the fruit of the hard work, the discipline and the change.

God is good all the time. All the time God is good. the end.

something

Some of the weeks are going by slowly and others are going by so fast. Molly is growing like a weed. Every day its as if she has gained a new skill, learned how to make a new sound and has grown immensely.

Sometimes I let my insecurities take over and I become frustrated, impatient and downcast.

Some days I love my job so so much. Those days make the other days bearable.

Sometimes I just want to move to another state. Maybe North Carolina. Maybe back home, where I grew up.

sometimes....

a weekend getaway.

 molly did most of the packing

 she loved all the brightly colored leaves

 the sunshine was beautiful

what a blessing and a joy to whisper in her ear "see that red leaf molly? God made that. Do you hear the sound of the waterfall? God made that."



5 things

5 things you may not know about me

1. my favorite candy bar is hershey with almonds

2. i listen to npr every morning on the way to work

3. i haven't had a piece of gum in over a year

4. i love glitter

5. my feet grew to a size 10 when i was pregnant. they are still sadly a size 10

a confession

I have a confession. I guess you could call it that. There is this blog that I love to read. I enjoy reading about this sweet little family and sweet baby girl. It has become part of my morning routine. They are always positive and happy and creative. Sometimes after reading their blog I get inspired. Maybe it is to make a picnic lunch and go to the park on Saturday with my sweet little family. Or maybe it is to create a book using all of my instagram photos.

But sometimes.

I leave their blog feeling defeated. I don't have all the money in the world to buy my sweet baby girl all the cutest clothes from all the fancy stores. I don't have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. I don't get up every morning and do yoga before the day starts. I don't know how to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch. This in no way is any fault of theirs. They are just living their happy little life and sharing with others about it.

The thing is.

 I love my family. I love our life. There will always be areas of improvement in my life, especially if I am trying to be more and more like Christ and less and less like "me."  I would adore dressing up molly in cute tights and shorts and a little jean jacket but....couldn't I use that money to pay off hospital bills or the water bill? Could I use that money to send to Amazima that gives food and truth to hungry belly's and hungry hearts? Yes of course I could. So even though my instinct is to jump on baby gaps website I have to pray and ask forgiveness for wanting more of the world and less of Christ. I am not saying that its bad or a sin to want to buy your child cute clothes (or actually buying your baby cute clothes) - that would be absurd. I am just personally convicted of where my money is going and if it is worth it.

I could by a yoga dvd and start a new habit and I can also google a recipe for home baked goods. I just wish that I didn't compare so much. I wish instead I could have a thought process that goes like this... " that is so awesome that she has the dedication to get up and do yoga in the morning." the end. Instead my thought process goes something like this:  " well whitney if you only did that you would be much happier/thiner/focused/desirable." Here's the thing, will I really be that much thinner? Or will molly and allen love me more if I get up and do yoga? I don't think the answer to those questions is yes.

Last month I took a 30 day hiatus of reading the blog mentioned above. And you know what? I was much more content with my cirucumstance. With my personality and with the way we live our lives. I wasn't comparing every day and coming up with the conclusion that I am less and they (that family) are more. That one was better than the other.

I know that taking a blog break isn't going to "fix" what is broken in the way I feel about myself or the way I view my life.  It is absolutley the love of Christ, who He says I am and what His word says about me that will have a lasting change. So that is what I am hopeful for. A lasting eternal change.

they change your life. forever.

God is so amazing that he has given me the honor of having molly as my daughter. Its hard to imagine that HE loves her more than me because my love for her is deeper than any ocean. I pray and hope with all my heart that she will know the Lord personally and that she will be filled with His compassion for others in need.

i had no idea how much this girl would change my life. no idea.

dresser re - do

 This was the dresser before. Pretty ugly. Pretty much hideous. I couldn't take it anymore.....

Sorry for the messy quality of photos...i think it was on my phone.

This is the after.yay! I love it. It adds so much more cheer to any room that it lives in. We moved it into Molly's room and she loves the knobs and the color. Hazzah for taking something ugly and making it beautiful!