Ellen

I am currently watching Ellen on TV. I had forgotten how funny she is. Today is her birthday and they are giving away gifts to their student audience. So far the studio audience has received a trip to Las Vegas, a watch that our current President wears and the newest blackberry phone. I think I would take the Las Vegas trip.

The past few days have been interesting for us. Husband has been working late late and I decided on a whim to start Molly on a schedule. So far we have done pretty well, except yesterday the only thing I had time to eat before 3pm was a malt ball. Today I am doing much better. I ate half an egg salad sand which and some salsa and chips. Today Molly is doing much better than yesterday. I have surprised myself with this whole schedule thing. For someone who loves to buy planners and goes through sticky notes like crazy - I really could care less if Molly is on a schedule. I am learning the importance of it though now for my peace of mind and for her success when she goes off and leaves me for day care. Jenna, I wish you were closer and Molly could replace Pierce. Boo. So far she eats every 3 hours until nighttime. Then we go for longer stretches and she is handling it pretty well. For someone who I can't really communicate with except to smile and make faces at she is cooperating as best she can I think. This morning was really fun. After her big breakfast I was trying to make her smile. I got a tiny one when I blew all over her face and made her hair move. That was beautiful. Later on in our day she nestled her little face in my neck and that was also beautiful.

I like mommyhood. I am amazed at God's plan and work in a mothers heart. I can see, feel and know that God is changing things. Maybe not out on the outside where others can see but on the inside. I am so thankful that God is at work and I am so thankful for whatever changes he wants to make.

Some things that about mommyhood that can be challenging at times, not all the time.

- learning how to say no to my inner need to clean the house all the time. For example, staying in is more common than going out so our house becomes messier much faster than before baby. Unloading dishes, laundry and trying get all this christmas stuff up in the attic is going to happen before febuary (please!).

- trying to balance taking care of me, molly, allen, marriage, family relationships.

- drying my hair. Wow what a difference that can be. I have been able to dry my hair twice this week and its only wednesday. That is REALLY good!

- cooking. Um hasn't really happened yet. I see it in my future now that we seem to have a schedule in place but that could all change in an instant.

molly is calling, must go!

Our house = Time warp

Our house has become a time warp. Or maybe just a black hole. Somehow time does not seem to exist. But then again time is all I think about. What time is it? Does Molly need to eat? When was the last time I fed her? How long has she been asleep? Is it time for a bottle? etc.

I cannot believe how fast time goes when I am constantly consumed with time. On days when daddy is not with us morning time is the hardest. Morning seems to last the longest. When daddy is with us, morning time doesn't really happen. We sleep in (meaning we go back to bed after each feeding). We sometimes wake in time for breakfast but usually not. Evening time is the shortest, but yet the longest at the same time. Eating, feeding, pumping all seem to need to happen at once which makes things last a lot longer than they should.

Somehow the time goes by....somehow I never seem to get the things done on my list that I would like. Somehow I am always in a haze so even figuring out a grocery list requires more brain concentration than I feel like I am capable of. It is strange going from doing things a certain way for 20 some years and then all of a sudden switching gears. No longer do I just pick up and go. No longer do I have the luxury to do laundry whenever I want or make a publix run because we are out of milk. I have other things to think about other time constraints to work within. It is very interesting to say the least.

Today I would love to return some things to the mall (mall? wait what is that?) and deposit some checks, take down our Christmas tree (i know) and maybe even mail some thank you notes. I wonder which one of those will get done. I am betting against the trip to the mall. Maybe I can get the bins down from the attic to attempt to start the Christmas tree removal - who knows. If none of them get done, there is always life tomorrow in the time warp.

A vistor

My little sister is coming for a visit tomorrow afternoon. I am so looking forward to seeing her and Molly is too! Molly loves getting hugs from aunt la-la!

I know that I will get to visit with LaLa some but I am hoping that the extra set of hands around the house will free up my hands to do a few things...such as:

- make egg salad so that we can have stuff in the fridge for an easy lunch

- paint my fingernails

- do a load of laundry

- put away the Christmas ornaments

- organize some clothes

I am amazed at the things that I have found myself doing with one arm, or while holding Molly on my shoulder. I love holding her and cuddling with her and I hate to put her down. I do miss the availability of two hands.

12 things

12 random things

12. I cannot believe I have functioned this well on such little sleep.

11. During the "snow storm" I saw more people on facebook than ever before

10. Allen and I are addicted to the TV show "heros." We have already gone through season 1 & 2. We are now working on season 3.

9. During pregnancy I did not like the taste of strawberries. I am now enjoying them once again and they are one of the best foods I think on this planet.

8. The past month I feel like I have been living in a haze. I am starting to feel like life is back to normal a tiny bit. Last night Allen and I went on a mini date last night (with Molly in tow) and it felt so good!

7. I am not looking forward to going back to work, but I am looking forward to seeing my friends/co-workers again.

6. I cannot wait to have some warmer weather

5. I love Molly with all of my heart.

4. I never experienced good friends moving when I was growing up. Now I am experiencing this and it is so sad to me. I think its harder to deal as an adult than it would be as a child.

3. I would love to spend the night at a hotel.

2. There are days that I wish we lived on St. Simons Island

1. I am so thankful for God's gift of life. I simply cannot stop thanking Him.

opps

Molly's birthday is December 15th!!

1 month

Me and my little lamb!

I can't believe that our little Molly is already one month old!!

She has just grown and grown right before our eyes and taught us so much already.

She was born December 12, 2010 weighing 7lb 10oz and 19.5 inches long. Yesterday at her check up she weighed 8lb 13 oz and she is 21.5 inches long.

She has taught us a lot of things but mainly for me, my limitations. I don't say that in a complaining or whining way. I am learning a lot. A lot. I am so thankful to her for that.

Last night she woke us up hungry at 3:30 and after we had fed her and changed her diaper we placed her back in her bassinet. I think this is her peak hour, she laid in bed, eyes wide open just looking all around. I talked to her and stroked her face and she just stared right back at me. I watched her stick her tongue out and move her head around as if she was trying to take everything in. She grunted and coughed and made sweet noises as she laid there so alert. I loved that time with her.

Things I love about molly month 1:

1. her name

2. her eyes (still grey blue)

3. the way she loves to sleep on our chest

4. her long fingers

5. her fuzzy hair

6. that she loves bath time

7. that she can sleep for 5 hours at night

8. her developing personality.

She is so beautiful and I am so honored to be her mother!!

you know your a mom when...

1. you have one hand painted for an entire week and then you realize you forgot to paint the other set of finger nails.

2. You let the dogs out in the morning to go to the bathroom and promptly fall back asleep, because 3.5 hours just isn't enough. When you wake up 2 hours later you remember the dogs left in the front yard and you also remember that you left a bag of trash (just dirty diapers) out on the front porch.

3. You notice something white like paper hanging out of your dogs mouth. You see that it is stuck between the dogs teeth so you wiggle it out. You realize it is part of a diaper.

Money doesn't grow on Trees

I know money doesn't grow on trees...but if it did here is what I would spend it on....

1. many many visits to the lactation consultant

2. new jeans

3. a hair cut

4. runners from Bed Bath and Beyond for the hallway

5. a new vacuum, our is circa 1950's from Allen's grandparents

6. an iphone 4 so i can face time with allen when he starts to take molly to daycare

7. new makeup

8. a new couch

all these things are "wants" not needs. I am so thankful for every thing that I have. Every once and awhile I get a case of "i wants." Do you?

19

In honor of Atlanta's temperature last night I figured I would write down 19 things that I can see from my view right now:

1. Molly in her bouncy seat

2. Dr.Pepper can

3. Tv/wii remote

4. 2 Christmas Stockings hanging from the fire place

5. The Nativity Scene on our mantle

6. Beach towel ( we needed something the dogs for the dogs to dry off on after coming in from the snow)

7. Diaper bag

8. Glade plug in

9. Allen's coffee mug

10. Baby monitor

11. Picture of Allen and I in our get away car from the wedding

12. A pack of corsage pins

13. TV tray

14. 3 candles in a jar, only one with candle still left in it.

15. Flat screen TV

16. Red glittery Christmas ornaments

17. Fresh flowers that allen bought me on his last grocery store visit.

18. A little plant "polka dot plant" in honor of Molly

19. An iphone

So we have been stuck indoors for much longer than the "snow" days that have been all over the news. Life with a newborn keeps you pretty close to home. At first it was simply for physical recovery, then it was because of the Christmas crowds, then it was to keep Molly away from sick people, then it was because of the post-Christmas crowds and now it is because of the snow. Don't get me wrong, I have been to TJ max, Target, Walmart and Publix. I am aching to go to the park - for a day with sunshine and temps warm enough for Molly to venture out without me being worried about her catching a cold.

I have loved our Pajama days. I have loved watching movies in bed, saving money on home cooked meals, mornings and nights by the fireplace. I have loved loved loved spending time with Molly. Right now I am typing this little entry and looking at her in her bouncy seat. She has one hand on her ear and the other one balled in a fist underneath her chin. She is covered in pink fuzzy blankets (because we had a GIRL) and she is falling asleep. I love the way she smells and the way she sighs as she is falling asleep. I love that her hands are so expressive and that she is already showing us that she is her own little person. I do not want her to grow or get any bigger but I look forward to being able to talk to her and have her respond. I look forward to us painting our toenails together, celebrating holidays together and picking her from school and listening to her tell me about her day.

As for now, I love that she falls asleep on my chest, and that her hands are so tiny that she can only hold on to one finger at a time. I love my daughter and feel so blessed to have her a part of my life.

The second time around....

If we ever have a second kid I know some things now that I wish I had known walking into the hospital. Let me share them here so they can stop running around in my head.

1. Don't worry about labor, that's why you have health insurance and your baby is born in a hospital with plenty of labor nurses and your doctor.

2. Epidurals are awesome while they last.

3. If your baby is jaundice and they want to push formula, say no. As long as your baby is not being rushed to the NICU.

4. Ask the lactation nurse to stay with you for more than one feeding.

5. Don't leave the hospital without a breast pump.

6. Sleep is important yes, just don't think your going to get any the first night from the hospital and deal with it.

7. Have your house packed with food.

8. Having a baby is not the same as babysitting.

9. Your baby really is the most awesome thing in the world

10. Be kind to your spouse, even when you are tired, cranky, sore, moody and look like a zombie.

11. The first few weeks are critical for nursing...don't think that if you have any problems they will correct themselves.

12. Find out if your lactation services are free or costly.

13. Even though you may be tempted to watch tv, call a friend, take a shower, or do laundry - sleep when your baby sleeps.

I need a live in nurse

seriously. Like for one week. One week I could ask this nurse questions day and night. Questions like:

Is molly getting enough milk?

Should I wake her to feed her if it has been past 3 hours and she is dead asleep?

Why can't I get her to latch on stronger?

Does this look right?

Why does her chin quiver?

Is that an "i am hungry cry?"

Is my milk supply diminishing?

Instead I have been reading. I have been praying. I have been calling everyone. I have been on youtube.

not gonna lie. this breastfeeding thing ain't easy.

Beauty.

My friend Summer came over the other day and we enjoyed a little bit of mommy hood with each other. She took some beautiful photos of me and Molly. Mostly Molly...I am smitten.

it is 4am

It is 4am.

I am awake.

I just put in a load of laundry

I just put away the clean dishes

I just put in dirty dishes

I just fed our newborn baby

I will most likely not go back to sleep until after 6am. Why?

In the big mistake that I spill my "dirty laundry" or just use the blog as a place to vent there are plenty of reasons why I will not return to my warm soft bed until 6am.

I am stressed out. I am exhausted emotionally and mentally. I don't need to go in to detail about the reasons that I am so stressed out that a simple pile of laundry on the living room floor did me in. And why staying up to do laundry is a better bet for me mentally then resting my pretty little head.

Being a mommy is hard and sheesh I have been a mommy for a little over 2 weeks. I anticipated life changing, I anticipated a lack of sleep (not this much though) and I anticipated a good learning curve.

I did not anticipate breastfeeding to be such an "art" or for grunts and coos in the middle of night force me to sleep with one eye open half the time. I did not anticipate having to wake every 2 hours to make a bottle or freak out when we see bubbles in her mouth and run around the house at 3am looking for a blue bulb to remove said bubbles.

Lesson learned: being a mommy does not = being a babysitter. There is way to much involved. Too much love, too much care, too much concern. I never worried about anything so much. And even though my husband tries to ease my worry every day its unavoidable to me. I never imagined I would care so much.

A friend of mine said something really wise the other day in an email. She said that we are so selfish that it is hard to get used to being a mom because you are no longer thinking of yourself all the time, you have to put your child first. Even at 2 am and at 4am and at 6am when you would much rather sleep than be a zombie standing in front of the formula and the bottle.

I am praying that the Lord will help me be less selfish. That I can put our daughter first so that in the middle of the night or when it is inconvenient to me or just plain hard that I am not so concerned about me. That HE will give me the love or the strength or the wisdom to push through whatever it is so that I am not absorbed in me.

"Tomorrow" is another day. I am so thankful that I receive new mercies every morning and that His grace is sufficient for me. There is no way that I can be a good mother unless I realize that I can do NOTHING on my own. Not even the help of my amazing and kind husband will get me through the roughest of days (nights). The Lord is enough - Its just up to me to depend on Him and not try to do it on my own.